Lions & Tigers & Bears, oh my!

Shanghai has this really great Wild Life Park in PuDong. It is FOREVER far away but Courtney L and I decided to venture out last weekend. There is also the Shanghai Zoo that is pretty close to us, but the reviews of the Wild Life Park were much better. Apparently, it is the largest open space in Shanghai, and contains a ton of different animals. Additionally, there was supposed to be more interaction with the animals at the Wild Life Park verses the Zoo.

Well anyway, I took the metro over an hour out into PuDong to meet up with Courtney. Then we jumped on a bus and drove about 45 minutes to the Park (It is so crazy to think that we can drive over 2 hours and still be in the same “city”). Interestingly enough, while we were buying our tickets to get in, we ran into one of my children, Elisa and her family. Courtney and I are both close with the Ferrer family, but of course we did not want to be tied with my four year old student for the entire park trip so we chatted briefly, but went on our separate ways. We kept running into them throughout the day, which was nice.

So as soon as we got into the park, we rented a peddle car to drive around. It was so funny. It was kind of like a rickshaw… we sat next to each other on a bench and we each had peddles and one steering wheel (I drove of course). Here, we thought it would be fun and easier to drive around, however, little did we know, the park was full of hills so our legs were exhausted by the end of the day.

The Park has two different areas, sort of. The first section is just like a zoo, and it was rather disappointing. We rode along a path that curved around different animal cages/habitats. It was actually one of the most pathetic zoos I have ever seen because it seemed to only have one animal in each area – like one elephant, one gorilla, etc. I was also kind of looking forward to seeing different kinds of animals aside from the norm. Of course it had the usual monkeys, giraffes, flamingos, birds; but I was disappointed by the lack of diversity. There were a couple panda bears (which were adorable) and Lumers that were pretty cool. The Lumers were running free on an island that we went to. Apparently they were friendly, but they sure looked creepy – kind of like a monkey and a weasel mixed with really creepy red eyes. They were really friendly if you had fruit to share with them. We tried to give them some crackers, but they were not interested.

Well we flew through that section and to be honest, it was not great – nothing to rave about. There was the other section, but Yuri told us that it was not very fun and not to waste our time with the Safari ride. We were deciding whether to try the safari or just leave, but we figured what the hell and we jumped on the safari ride, really not knowing what to expect.

We got on a bus straight out of Jurassic Park – like a cage bus - and we started driving through these huge steal gates (just like Jurassic Park) to enter the area where the animals were running “free”. It was divided into different areas to keep the animals separate. First, we say all of the herbivores. There were so many animals running around, but the bus did not stop or anything, we just drove right through. Then we entered into the bear section. Right off the bat, a huge black bear walked right in the middle of the path in front of the bus. The bus driver stopped and grabbed a live chicken out of a cage on the bus and held it in front of the cage. The bear jumped up on the side of the bus clawing and salivating trying to get at the chicken. The driver held it a little higher, and the bear literally started climbing up the side of the cage trying to get to it. It was awesome. Eventually, the driver stuck the chicken through an opening in the cage and the bear snatched it right up. Poor chicken was screaming and having a heart attack I am sure, but hey, circle of life, I guess.

We drove into other sections where we saw Lions, Cheetahs, and Tigers. Each time, the driver would stop, grab a chicken and tease the animal a little bit to get a rise for entertainment, and eventual feed it to them. The animals definitely knew that it was a feeding truck. They saw us coming and they ran into the road, or lay in the road right in front of the bus so that it couldn’t go forward. They also chased the bus as we drove. Unfortunately, I didn’t get to see the Siberian White Tiger, which is my favorite animal of all time. There was only one, and it was sleeping off in the distance behind some shrubs, apparently, but I never saw it.

The Tiger part was my favorite. First, I never really realized how gigantic Tigers were. I mean, I knew they were big and everything, but I am sure it is amplified greatly when there is nothing but a steal fence separating me from five huge and hungry Tigers. They were circling the bus, jumping up on the sides, growling and clawing at the fence. I am pretty sure that if they were hungry enough, they could have gotten through the barrier to consume us. Luckily, they were willing to settle for a couple chickens. They were so cool looking and it was really exciting! At one point when a tiger was standing on its hind legs against the side of the bus at eye level with me, he growled and smacked his enormous paw against the fence and the entire bus screamed. I nearly hit the roof and peed my pants.

Well anyway, I would conclude that the safari was in fact the best part of the Wild Park and it made the two hour trip worth it. Sure it was a little gruesome, but it’s life. I would say that the best time to go is feeding time, otherwise, it probably wouldn’t be as exciting.

I can admit when I have a problem...

Ok, so we all know how I feel about market shopping – I LOVE IT - rows and rows of shops wanting to sell you anything and everything at just about any price just to sell it. You can get anything at the markets; clothes, jewelry, shoes, purses, sports equipment, toys, cell phones, ipods, cameras, movies, games, etc. Of course, most of it is illegal knock offs and I would never trust any kind of electronic, but you can really find some steals.

Market shopping is like a game though, and I have mastered the art of bargaining. It is funny though because at the end of the game, I walk away thinking wow what a great deal, I just got these shoes for only 100 Yuan. On the other end, I am sure the guy who just sold it to me is laughing and thinking what a fool, I just sold her those shoes for 100 Yuan. I have decided that I don’t really feel guilty about spending money at the market. A. I am spending next to nothing in USD even if I am paying more RMB than I should and B. I am supporting the local economy.

There are a couple things that I have become obsessed with buying. I am sure it is no surprise that I buy shoes like it is my job… literally! Four months ago, I came to China with about 5 pairs of shoes, yet I will probably return with more than 20. They are just so cheap and so cute! I have bought cute heels, boots, flats, Crocs, Nikes, Converse, and flip flops – it is like I can’t stop! My other recent obsession is sun glasses. I can’t really explain this one, but really, you can never have enough sun glasses. Today alone I bought three pairs of sunglasses at the market. You may think it is excessive (and it probably is considering that I have several other pairs at home already) but hear me out… first I bought a pair of Ray Ban aviators to replace the ones that I lost in my drunken stupor last weekend. Then I found some really cute purple Ray Ban's for only 30 RMB and the guy offered me a really good deal on an adorable pair of Chanel’s if I bought them both. How could I resist?

My other addiction is movies and CDs. This one is easy… so I can buy any movie here for 5 RMB, brand new movies that are still in theaters in the US. Yes they are illegal bootleg copies and sometimes I end up with a bad copy, but I can always take it back to exchange. TV seasons I can buy for about 30 RMB or less and CDs are between 5 and 10 RMB, less than buying a CD on iTunes. I have bought a ton of movies and seasons because we don’t really have cable here to watch, so I end up watching a lot of seasons or popping in a movie while I am at the apartment. I have already finished several seasons of Criminal Minds, Glee, Spartacus, One Tree Hill, The Big Bang Theory and How I Met Your Mother.

Buying CDs is really funny though because a lot of times they don’t end up being correct. For example, I bought a Carrie Underwood CD. I was intrigued because it was supposed to be a 2 disc “Greatest Hits” CD, but it had a lot of songs that I had never heard of. Well later that day when I was loading the CDs on to my iTunes and listening, I discovered that half of the first CD was Nora Jones, and half of the second CD was Leann Rimes… not exactly what I wanted, but whatever.

Ok, so here is what I hate about market shopping… buying clothes! I get sooooooo annoyed trying to buy clothes. I did not bring a lot of jeans here and unfortunately I did not bring any shorts or anything and now that it is getting warmer, I need to buy some. It is so frustrating though. For starters, Asians all wear baby sizes. Seriously, the biggest Asian women wears a size double zero, and their shirts are x-small. Now I am definitely not a size zero, but I would not classify myself as gigantic either. In the US, I am average and I wear a medium usually. Here, I have to wear a large or an x-large because their sizes run so small. Their pants go by waist measurements (not just like a 4 or 5 or whatever), and even though my waist is only 27, I have to wear at least a 30 or 31 pants to fit my waist and butt. I bought two pairs of jeans at one shop, both 30s but different brands of jeans. I tried on one pair at the shop and they fit, so I assumed the others would fit too. When I got home and put on the other ones, however, they were about 5 sizes too small and I could not even pull them over my butt. It is just so weird.

 The problem is that many of the shops at the market don’t carry all the sizes, and they usually don’t carry bigger sizes… sometimes the biggest size they have is like a 24 (which is a “large”). When I ask if they have something in my size, they laugh and say no, no, no. Really? Like I am so enormous that it would be hysterical to even think of carrying something that might fit me?

And of course, the people here are so blunt about it. Yesterday I was in a little shop and Courtney and I were looking at dresses. I pulled out a cute dress (size large) that looked like it would fit, but the lady working at the shop pointed to my stomach and my butt and said, “It won’t fit. Too small.” At another shop, we were looking at shorts and the lady immediately said, “We have big sizes.” I usually respond by saying something smart like, “Oh good, you carry normal sizes?” or “You think I am too fat to wear this?” To them, they are not trying to insult me, it is just their culture, but what an ego bruise! Then on the other hand, there are ladies that pull everything off their shelves saying, “This is so beautiful… Just for you... Pretty lady…”

So anyways, buying clothes usually just frustrates me and makes me want to wrap myself in cellophane and starve myself while working out to Insanity for hours, so I tend to avoid it! For now, I will just stick with buying shoes, movies and sunglasses and wait for my return to my fat country where I can feel good about myself again.

Dancing in the Park

Ok so have you ever seen one of those movies where people are just randomly walking through a park or dancing at prom or whatever, when suddenly a song starts playing that every single person knows the dance routine to? They stop what they are doing yet never miss a beat as they dance in perfect lines with perfect choreography. And you know it is never a simple dance routine like the Hustle or anything… it is always long and complicated and sometimes there are different parts for guys and girls, but everyone has got it down.

I have often seen those scenes and thought; I would love to see that happen in real life! Well my friend, I am here to tell you that I witnessed such an occasion today. Courtney and I got some dinner at a local Korean restaurant (one of our favorites) and decided to take a walk to Old Town after to let our food digest and grab a Coco. As we approached Old Town, the temples were lined with lights, we could see crowds of people and hear some music playing. As we got closer, a new song began and the crowd of people literally broke out in dance. We are not talking about break dancing or street dancing, it was more of a Chinese line dance. People were in rows and repeated the same couple counts over and over again. We stood and watched for a song or two before we decided to join in. I got the hang of it quickly as I watched an old lady in front of me dancing like a pro. All of the sudden, we became the entertainment, and the local people began taking pictures of Courtney and I like we were circus clowns.

It was interesting and pretty fun. We danced along to a couple songs before we decided to move on to get our Coco. So anyway, we walked through old town, got some tea, and walked back through. A couple people were still dancing when we were walking out but not quite the crowd we had seen before. So we are walking back to Courtney’s apartment and we came up to another park. Again, someone had a small boom box playing music and there were rows of people dancing Chinese line dances. We watched for a couple minutes before one of the Chinese ladies told us to dance with them!

We did and we were having so much fun trying to follow along. Some of the dancing was simple two steps, but some was more of an intricate salsa-like routine. When the dance was too much for me to keep up, I would just start dancing around like a fool. The funniest part was that everyone dancing was so serious about it, and here are Court and I, all over the place, laughing and talking and probably make a fool of ourselves… but the people LOVED us! They keeps saying “so good, so good” and asking us to dance more. More and more people started gathering again watching Courtney and I.

Near the end, the Chinese song ended and the Macarena started to play. All of the Chinese people stopped dancing because they did not know the Macarena, but Court and I got so excited and started to dance. The local people started watching us and trying to following along with it. Everyone was giggling as they put their hands on their butts. Of course the Macarena is not difficult, but you would have thought that we were teaching them the coolest dance in the world.

The Macarena was the last song. The local ladies crowded around us and were asking us all kinds of questions (most of which we did not understand), but they told us to come back tomorrow and the next night because they dance in the park every night from 7 to 9. To be honest, I am pretty excited! We had a blast and it is like Chinese Zumba right in my backyard – for free! By the end of the dancing, I was sweating and exhausted like I had just worked out, and it was really great to be outside. Also, I am going to get to practice my Chinese if I start fraternizing with the locals. So anyway, Court and I are going to go again, and we want to burn our own CD to share with them… we are thinking about the Hustle, the Electric Slide, the Cha Cha Slide, of course Cupid Shuffle and Booty Call… am I missing any good ones??

What Happens Next?

Well that sure is a good question… here, I thought that I had the next 18 months of my life all figured out. I thought that I had plenty of time to complete my bucket list of China, but all of the sudden I may only have 50 days left! I haven’t studied the language as much as I intended to, I haven’t been to a concert, I have not been to half the places I wanted to travel to, and I have not even been to the Great Wall yet! In no way do I feel like I have wasted any time here, but I feel like my time is not over.

So I have decided that it would be in my best interest to leave MRA, but at the moment I have no other job options lined up. I have been applying to jobs like CRAZY! I have applied at just about every international (governmentally recognized) school in Shanghai, some in Beijing even. Additionally, I have also began to apply all over the world – Italy, France, Japan, Korea, Spain, Virgin Islands, Honduras, Belize… and maybe a couple in the US as well. I have a five year plan – teach on five continents in five years before returning to the US. Then again, who knows what the future may hold for me. All I know is that I am not ready to go back to the US, and as much as I complain about things in China, I am not ready to leave China yet either! UGH So frustrating when I am clueless as to where I may end up in the next four months.

Wish me luck in finding a job and pray that God will direct my path.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do and he will direct your paths.”

Lesson Learned

Well I have made a decision and I have decided to leave MRA at the end of June. To be honest, when Morgan offered me the free pass, I was not sure if I wanted to take him up on it. I battled back and forth with myself trying to decide whether or not it would get any better, or whether I would be able to just suck it up for another year. If it was just a question about leaving the school, it really wasn’t even a question, but it also put into question the possibility of leaving China and going back to the US jobless – and that I am not prepared for.

Most days I am content here… not ecstatically happy, but not crying either. I enjoy my time with my kids and avoid most interactions with Morgan. I do my job to the best of my ability but I still spend a good majority of my time at school defending myself to co-workers or to Morgan and to be honest it is just a bit obnoxious. The teacher that I was having the most problems with (Ms. Huang) was fired this week, but coincidentally not for hitting kids. She was fired for not showing up for work. I have moved past my dislike for the curriculum and I have accepted that it is just cultural, and thankfully the abuse against the kids has pretty much stopped since Morgan’s return from the US. All of these things aside, I pretty much made up my mind when I found out that I am working for MRA illegally.

To fully explain this, I have to start at the beginning... back when I arrived in January, I had to jump through hoops to get my residential permit and work visa. I had to get medical check-ups, shots and test, fill out a ton of paperwork and sign several different contracts in both Chinese and English – naturally, I was very cautious about signing anything in Chinese before I read the English version. I thought I was being careful, but in hindsight, I was really naïve (then again, it is not my fault that I was taken advantage of). Amongst the contracts that I signed was one for the Rainbow Agency (or something like that). While I was reading it, I recall Ms. Shi telling me, “Don’t worry about this one, it is not really your contract.”

You see, according to Chinese law, a foreign expat cannot own a business without a Chinese business partner. Since Morgan is Taiwanese, we were told that the contract was for the agency of his Chinese business partner, and that we needed that contract in order to get our work visa. So I signed it and moved on to the next stack of paperwork. I asked for copies of everything that I signed, and although I was told that I could get the copies, I have yet to see any of them. Another bit of information, upon my arrival, I did not have the physical copies of my college diploma, transcript or teaching certificates. I had just graduated and they had not arrived in the mail before I left for China. I was told that it was not a problem, but that I needed to provide him with copies as soon as I received everything.

Ok, now let me fast forward to now… Courtney H wants to break her contract a couple months early because she has found another job in Shanghai. Morgan has really been giving her a hard time about it and keeps telling her that if she breaks the contract that she is going to be placed on a “black list” that will keep her from working in China in the future. We began doing a lot of research about the logistics of working in China, the legality of the contract and the, so called “black list” and what we discovered was absolutely absurd. So let me try and break it down into the many ways in which Morgan is running a scam of a school.

1. Five years ago, Morgan bought out a small school called Omega from a Chinese company. Because he is Taiwanese and cannot own his own business, on paper, MRA does not exist and Morgan is not the owner of the school, but the Chinese company still owns the school called Omega.

2. There are only two forms of schools that have a special permit to be able to hire foreign teachers legally through the Educational Bureau – International schools and Language Institutes. International schools are very specific in which all students must have a foreign passport to be admitted, and local Chinese students are not accepted into the schools. Language Institutes are specific to teaching foreign language and culture, and again, they are very explicit about who they are allowed to accept into their school. MRA is neither of these – it is a privately owned preschool program that accepts both local Chinese and foreign children – therefore, he cannot legally hire foreign teachers. Which brings me to my next discovery…

3. Remember the Rainbow Agency? We thought it was the Chinese business partner that allowed Morgan to own a business. Turns out the Rainbow Agency is a Language Institute and the owner is a friend of Morgan. Because they are a governmentally recognized Language Institute they are allowed to hire foreign teachers, so Morgan pays them to clam us as employees so that we can get a work visa and work at his school illegally! To parents, he can claim his school is an “International Preschool” because he has foreign teachers and charge them the “International fees” but in all honesty, it is a crock!

Now the unfortunate part about all of this is that we do not have any proof. Although we signed the contracts, we were not given the copies that we were promised. Recently when we asked Morgan to see our personal files and asked for all of the copies of our contracts again, he told us that he did not have any of the copies because they were all at the Agency and the Bureau (pretty strange), but he assured us that he would ask the “Agency” to send us copies. The next day, he said that we were not going to get copies because the “Agency” sent them all to the Bureau and they no longer have copies of anything. Interesting that neither of my places of employment would have any copies of the legal contracts and documents we signed for me to work in a foreign country. The “Agency” also advised Morgan to not give us any copies of anything because we were “asking too many questions” and they thought that we were “plotting against them” (direct quote from Morgan).

4. Remember how I told you that I did not have all of my educational documentation in the beginning because it had not arrived yet? Well I have received my Diploma and my transcript, but I am still waiting on my certificates to arrive. Morgan has not mentioned anything, so I assumed that it was not a huge deal that it was taking a while. All of the sudden, after Courtney and I had asked about our contracts, Morgan starts hounding me about my certificates. Of course I cannot make them arrive any quicker, but I assured him that as soon as I received them, he would have a copy on his desk. He told me that without the certificates I can be deported because all my documentation is illegal. In fact, he did need all of the documentation in the beginning in order to get my work visa. However, since it had not arrived yet, but he knew I was legit, he forged all of my documents to get my visa. Now at any time, he says the Work Bureau could walk into the school and request all of the documentation for his employees and since mine was forged, I would be deported and he would go to jail and he is having a hard time sleeping because he has these forged documents on his conscious (he says). Although if you ask me, if the Work Bureau came to his school, my documentation would be the least of his worries…

5. (Yes, there is still more!) Around the same time that we asked him about our contracts and such, I was asking him about tax information. Each month we get paid in cash, and our income is tracked on a handwritten table that he fills out each month. He gave us the tax information at the beginning of the year that said if we make X amount of RMB to Y amount of RMB that we would be taxed Z amount each month. So each month, he takes Z amount of RMB out of our monthly salary. The problem is that if I work in a foreign country, I am only allowed 35 days in the US within a consecutive 12 month working period otherwise I could be double taxed on my income. Since I will be spending at least 2 month in the US, there is a tax form that I can fill out to prove that I have paid taxes in the foreign country that would exempt me from also paying taxes in the US. So I was asked Morgan about the documentation that he would be able to provide me with when I go back to the US to prove that I have been paying taxes. He told me that no such document exists, but not to worry because no other past teachers have ever had a problem.

In fact, there is a document that exists. Morgan must have an accountant for his business (well at least according to Chinese law), and documentation should be provided monthly and annually to prove income and taxes. Then again, since we are not legally employed under MRA, Morgan does not have to give us anything which is why I have drawn a conclusion. That “fake” contract that we signed most likely has a different rate of pay which indicates that we would have to pay less taxes, but since Morgan is paying us more, he is taxing us more and most likely pocketing the excess RMB. Therefore, he is going to be extremely reluctant to handover that paperwork, which in the long run would end up screwing me over.

6. Now this is the part that I am not exactly sure about… according to the Chinese government, we are not working in China as teachers. I know that it has something to do with the whole MRA not really existing to the Educational Bureau and everything, but I am only recognized as working in China through the Labor Department. Now that I have begun looking for other jobs, schools in China (real schools) do not recognize my time at MRA as being professional work experience as a teacher. Now I am sure that this will not make a difference once I start looking for jobs in the US, but for now, it is making things very difficult in China.

Now for the BLACK LIST... Morgan has told us that Drew is on the “black list” and he has threatened to put Courtney on the “black list” if she terminates her contract prematurely. To be honest, it is only rumored to an actually “black list” exists, but Morgan can stop her from getting another job in China if he desires. Because we are foreign expats working on a temporary work visa, each visa needs to be “released” before another visa can be issued. In order for Courtney to take her new job, her new school needs the release from her old school to process the paperwork for a new visa. The employer is only required to give the release if the employee completes a given contract or if he or she is terminated at the will of the employer. However, if the employee chooses to break the contract early, the employer is not required to give the release and it would stop her from getting another job in China.

Thankfully, Courtney and Morgan have come up with some kind of an agreement… she is breaking her contract early but he is still going to give her the release, but that it Courtney’s drama and I am trying to stay out of it!

So anyway, there it is... Lesson learned.

Ayi & Panda Blood

So the plan for Saturday was to hike up into the mountain and stay up top inside the National park. Although we had a lot of gear, Jerry told us there was a sky lift that would take all of our heavy stuff up and then we could just worry about carrying our own backpacks and stuff on the hike. Well that turned out to be a lie. The people at the sky lift would not let us put a bunch of stuff on to take it up, and in fact, the sky lift only went a little bit up into the mountain, and it would still need to be carried the rest of the way up. Well it turned out to be a huge mess and we were trying to figure out how we could get the important things up into the mountain like our cooler full of food and the kegs and keg-orator. Some people wanted to hike and some people wanted to take the sky lift.

The solution – we hired two local people to carry the heavy stuff up the mountain. Ok, so you may think that this is weird or cruel or whatever, but I am telling you, you have no idea how happy those people were to do it for only 350 RMB. They were eager to help and running to get their bamboo sticks as soon as we said anything about money! So there was a man and a woman, and the man tied a keg to one side of this stick and the keg-orator to the other end and carried that. The woman tied all of our gear (tents, sleeping bags and mats) together and tied that to the ends of her stick and carried that. So we were responsible basically for our own bags to carry and the cooler. Can I tell you that the local people beat us up the mountain even with all of that stuff!

So anyway, we started the hike and we split into three different groups. We met somewhere in the middle before we entered the National Park part. Then we continued the hike through the mountains. The hike was interesting. It was pretty beautiful and the weather was really great. There was a lot to see because there were really great look out points and temples, carvings and statues to see throughout the mountains. After about two hours of hiking, we had hiked up one side, down another and up the other side of a different mountain before we found ourselves in another tiny village built into the side of the mountain. It was kind of neat because it was like a maze of stairs and building going up and down and all over the place. Again, all of the people in the village were looking at us like we were nuts.

We finally made it up one last flight of stairs to a restaurant with a large flat area in front. Jerry stopped and said, “This is it!” Like I said, for what he thought camping was, he did a good job. It was just unlike anything we had done before and not exactly what we had expected. But it was a flat grassy area so it was good for setting up tents, there was electricity at the restaurant that we could use for the keg-orator, and the view was amazing! We had access to the public bathroom that all of the village people shared and one of the local people let us shower in their house. The public bathroom however was disgusting and I chose to pee outside all night rather than use the bathroom. It was a row of three squatty potties right next to each other (no dividers or anything) and they were not cleaned or maintained!

 When we arrived during the day, there were people all over the place eating dinner at the restaurant and stuff, but once the restaurant closed, we would have the whole area to ourselves. We dropped our stuff, and did a little bit more exploring around the village and stuff and hung around the “camp site” for the rest of the night. We started drinking and playing cards, we set up a beer pong table and started playing beer pong and we set up some tents. Later that night, the restaurant served us dinner – I did not eat because I wasn’t hungry, but it was sure delicious at midnight when I was drunk and starving.

That night was the most fun! By this time, we were all really getting to know one another and we were all opening up a lot more! We starting playing games and what not and drinking around the fire (side note: we were not supposed to have a fire because we were in a national park, but we convinced Jerry to let us). Playing games was interesting because we were all from different parts of the world so we were teaching each other new games to play and everyone had a variation of the same game. Zac played his guitar again. Zac is really very talented! He would play popular songs that we would all sing along to, but then he would also play some original songs as well. He had quite the sense of humor and the best song of the night was “My Best Friend F*ed my Ayi” and became a theme for the rest of the weekend!

Side note: Ayi (pronounced I.E.)  is the Chinese word for a housekeeper, maid or nanny. Everyone has an ayi, and ayis are only called ayi… it is sad, but they lose their name and become a number. To be an ayi is extremely looked down upon. In regards to social class, ayis are at the bottom - the poor ladies that come from poor families typically.

So anyway, Zac kept singing this song about ayis the way that an American would talk about/sing about someone’s mom (kind of)… it was hilarious, and just about every other conversation revolved around ayis for the rest of the trip. I really wish I could explain how funny it was, but really, you would probably think I was just crazy.

That night, we finished off the one keg we brought up before the sun went down so we had to be resourceful with our drinks. We bought some baijiu from the restaurant and mixed it with red Gatorade and called it Panda blood, and that is exactly what it tasted like. Baijiu is gross and the worst liquor I have ever had. It tastes like rubbing alcohol and nail polish remover mixed together and lit on fire. Everyone kept saying 70 percent of people who have tried panda blood says it taste just like panda blood… and 100 percent of Ayis agree. HAHAHA sorry…  but it was funny! So we drank everything and anything we could find, and then once everyone was drunk and high, they roasted everything and anything they could find over the fire and ate it (they roasted all of our fruits and veggies and all of the food left in the cooler).

I passed out pretty early that night. I mean I had only gotten about 3 hours of sleep the night before, and it was an exhausting day of hiking in the heat and everything and I was just beat. The next morning, I woke up around 4 am when it started to rain on me because I didn’t put my rain shield over the tent. I looked outside to see that half of the guys had decided to not even sleep in tents, and they were simply in a sleeping bag on the ground. Some of them were under the pop-up tents of the restaurant and some of them were just in the open being rained on. They thought it would be funny to stake all of the chairs around my tent because I passed out so early. In the morning, the wind was so heavy that it blew over one of the pop-up tents and nearly killed Brandon who was sleeping underneath it. Once I woke up, there was no going back to sleep. The local people were already at the restaurant banging around stuff, talking and carrying on right next to the tents. There were chickens and a rooster that was loud as all could be, so I got up and took a quick shower. It wasn’t too much longer before everyone started waking up and we eventually ate breakfast at the restaurant and packed up camp.

Before leaving, there was a group of us that wanted to hike up to the summit (only about a thirty minute hike) so as we were getting ready to head out, the local police showed up along with the Communist Commissioner of the town. Apparently they were mad because we were being disruptive and because we had a fire and Jerry was yelling back and forth with them. They kept saying that they wanted all of our passports because they wanted to put on record that they are getting tourist, but most of us decided to not give them our passports. To be honest, from what I know of the Chinese system, the police are next to worthless. They might as well be mall cops. Unlike American Police, Chinese police are really just for show and have very little authority – it is really the communist people that you have to look out for, and the commissioner wasn’t really making a big fuss about anything, so we just left to go on our hike. We made it up to the summit, and it was really beautiful! It was calm, relaxing and 6 of us just sat at the top talking for a little while. Just like always, it was a beautiful view, but the hazy China air makes it difficult to see distances.

Eventually, we hiked back down to the camp site, gathered up all of our things and set out for the trip back down the mountain. And this is when all of the chaos began. You see, there were a couple different options to getting back down the mountain. A. going back the way that we came from. B. hiking up to the summit, then part way down the other side to the road where a van was going to pick up all of our heavy stuff to take back to the bus. Or B. hiking up to the summit, then back down the other side to a river, then rafting back to the bus. I chose option A because I didn’t have an interest in the rafter part, so our group all split up. The two guys that took the van made it back first and ended up at a local restaurant near the bus where they sat and drank until we left. Then our group made it back second and we started a riot in the streets playing corn hole. We figured we would have some time to kill before the other hikers got back, so we set up corn hole on the side walk in front of our bus. At first, the local people were telling us not to, but we did anyway. They were extremely amused by the game, and soon a crowd of Chinese people gathered around us wanting to play. They kept grabbing the bags out of our hands so that they could throw it, and there was no taking turns or anything, they were just throwing them in all directions. At first, it was really funny because here we are just playing an innocent game yet you would have thought we were the circus! Then, it just got annoying because they pretty much took over the game and wouldn’t even let us play because they were grabbing the bags from us and everything.

After about 60 Chinese people had gathered, the police came again! Of course, they don’t like it when Chinese people gather together and they REALLY don’t like it when Chinese people gather with Westerners because they think that we are educating them and that they are going to form together to riot against the government. So again, they wanted our passports and they made everyone clear out and we put away the game. One of the Chinese ladies was pissed because we had to put it away and she threw one of the bean bags at me when I was picking everything up – BITCH!

So just before the police came, Brandon and Jerry made it back. They were supposed to be one the rafting hike, but apparently they got separated and lost and ended up taking a different way down the mountain. But we were still missing half of our group. When Brandon finally got a hold of them, we discovered that they had hiked two hours down the mountain to the river, only to find all the rafts tied up and everything closed, so they were stranded without any way of getting back to the bus. They decided that they were going to hijack a raft and go down the river by themselves to get to the bus. So they did, but half way down the river, they got caught and they had to get off the raft and walk back the rest of the way. What a disaster!

So finally, everyone made it back to the bus and we were packed back in a ready to head home. We made a stop at KFC for lunch and Jerry took back all of our camping gear while we ate. Turned out that  we had lost a tent and two sleeping bags in all of the transfers so we lost a good portion of our deposit. Unfortunately, that took forever to figure out because they had to go through everything and set up everything to make sure that they had each and every part to all of the tents. Then again, we were back on the bus headed home around 4:00 pm.

The ride home was much calmer than the ride there. We were all beat! I took some Benadryl and was knocked out for a good portion of the drive. Once we made it back into the city, traffic was terrible and it still took forever to get back. By the time we made it back to Jing’an Temple and I got in a taxi, I didn’t get back to my apartment until after 11:00.

So all and all, camping was great! It was like no camping trip I have ever been on before, and I am sure that I will never experience anything like that every again! I am really happy that I decided to go because I did meet some really cool people whom I hope to keep in contact with! Brandon is planning another weekend trip in the near future with the pub crawl so I can’t wait to see what that one has to offer (if I am still here).

Chinese Camping

So a couple weeks ago, my party bus boyfriend, Brandon told me about a camping trip that he was planning through his pub crawl company (the same party bus that I went on before). He invited me to go and I was dying to experience camping in China. The Courtney’s and I went back and forth about what to do because we had a long weekend for Labour Day Holiday, but ultimately, both Courtney’s decided that they did not want to go camping. At first, I was really disappointed because I figured that it wasn’t a good idea for me to go without them (I didn’t really know anyone going) and it probably wasn’t safe to go alone, but in the end I decided to go anyway. I found out that about 5 people that I knew were going and I figured that I would have a blast and get to know some new people! I am so happy that I ended up going because I had a blast!

Ok, so before I tell you about the actual camping part, there are two important things that you should know about – the people and the plan…

The People – There ended up being 17 people total (I think) and it was quite an interesting group of people. First there was the group that I knew – Brandon, Chris, Colin, Mallory and Kevin. I know all of them through softball. Mallory is a 40 year old a guy who totally creeps me out. He is fun, but when he is drunk, he starts getting really weird! Kevin is also 40 but really awesome! He is a retired army vet and acted like my big brother the whole weekend. Brandon, Colin and Chris are all my age and are just fun and hilarious. Then there was Chris’s girlfriend, Amanda. She was the bitch of the trip – every trip has one! I never saw her smile, she was always complaining and bitching about something, and she was constantly fighting with Chris about anything and everything! Then there were a couple other single guys – Zac, Jim, Dante, and Austin. They were all about my age, most of them were teachers and they were a lot of fun! Then there were two other couples – Matt and Shantel and Sara and her husband (I can’t remember his name). Matt and Shantel were both cool and come to find out, they actually lived near me too. The other couple – the married couple were kind of weird. Sara was one of those know-it-all people and was constantly correcting people. No matter what anyone said, she has some kind of input that usually started with “well actually….” That got really annoying, really fast! Her husband on the other hand never talked – big surprise. The two of them were usually off doing their own thing and typically did not want to stay with the group.

Then there was a single Chinese girl, Yinney, who was really quiet and usually kept to herself, although she was really nice! Then there was another older guy that was in his 40s that was very strange! I can’t think of his name either, but he was one of those awkward people that would walk into a middle of a conversation and stand oddly, or make weird comments. Any time that he talked to me, he would always begin and end the statement with my name. Maybe I should have done the same because then I would remember his name. At the end of the trip, he passed around his phone and said, “Alright peeps, I need everyone’s digits because I am going to have a party.”  Then finally, we had a Chinese tour guide named Jerry and a Chinese bus driver. I think that is everyone. So all in all, it was a pretty good group of people and we all got along really well – minus Amanda who was never happy – and for the kind of trip we had, everyone needed to be easy going and open minded!

The Plan – when Brandon told me about the trip, and sent out the itinerary to everyone, it painted quite the picture. The plan was to go camping for 3 days, 2 nights in the Anhui Province at Mt. Qiyunshan (about 5 hours outside of the city). It was an all expense paid trip – only 780 RMB that included transportation to and from on a bus, all of our food for the 3 days, admission into the national park, all of our tents, sleeping bags, and flashlights and 6 kegs of beer. I was told that we would have access to electricity, bathrooms and showers and that our camp would be completely set up for us. We would camp, hike and go rafting.

The Reality – ok, so I wouldn’t say that we were lied to, but I would say that I painted a very different picture in my mind of what it was going to be like and what actually happened. So I met everyone at Jing’an Temple around 1:30 Saturday morning. We had stuff piled on the sidewalk as we waited for the bus. Brandon packed tubs full of games, sports equipment and enough entertainment for the weekend. Another tub was full of snacks, food & goodies, and a cooler full of more food. We drank slushies spiked with vodka as we waited. When the bus finally arrived, we piled all of our stuff on and underneath – including the keg-orator and 6 kegs of beer that we had purchased – and headed out of the city. We did not even make it 5 minutes before the bus was pulled over and given a ticket for 200 RMB for making an illegal U turn (seriously, I didn’t even know there were real laws).

And then we were off! As we began drinking and getting to know one another, the 5 hour trip turned into about 8! Naturally, we had to make several potty stops and each time, people would buy more to drink and more munchy snacks. On the bus ride alone, we went through a 7-liter bottle of Chinese rice wine, a couple fifths of vodka and countless 40s. Once we were out of the city, the countryside was beautiful! There were mountains and streams everywhere and it was calm. The air was not as thick and there were not as many people. Toward the end of the trip, we kept asking how much longer and Jerry would always respond just twenty or thirty minutes. We were getting antsy!

So anyway, nearly the entire drive, all we saw was mountains and open fields and farms and whatnot. Then as we got closer to our destination, we drove into a city. We were all kind of confused, you know, because we kind of pictured camping in the middle of nowhere. Can you imagine our surprise when the bus drove into a university campus and took us to a restaurant for dinner? We were told that it was just a stop for us to eat and that our camp would be set up for us while we were eating dinner. So we ate a delicious Chinese meal (I can say that I have never had Chinese food while camping before).

Afterwards, we loaded back into our bus headed for our camp site just twenty or thirty minutes down the road – which turned into an hour. Again, our bus was driving up into the mountains through the forest, down a dirt road until it turned into a small Chinese village. It was an old, poor village – like the houses were just made of bricks and did not even have doors or running water. That was when our bus pulled off to the side and Jerry announced that this was where we were going to be camping. As we got off the bus, we were all shocked! It was dark outside, so we really had no idea where we were, but our bus was parked next to an old house, and our “camp site” was next to a little stream on a bed of rocks. Across the stream was a row of houses and continued all down the bank. It was like we were dropped off in the middle of a village and we were camping in someone’s backyard. Turned out, it was Jerry’s home town, and that night he stayed at his family’s house just a couple houses down the street.

There was not a bathroom or a shower, but we plugged the keg-orator into the house next door. And the people that Brandon paid to set up our camp site had never seen a tent before, so nothing was set up when we arrived. Not that it was a big deal to set up ten two-man tents, but while we set up shop, the helpers were standing around our fire, trying to drink our beer. That night we made the most of it. We had a fire going, and we all sat around drinking, (most of them smoking also), roasting hotdogs, singing along to Zac playing guitar and listening to Mouth (Mallory) tell stories (so I have always called him Mouth because he is the loudest person that I have ever met and it caught on and now everyone calls him mouth). The sky was so much clearer than in the city, and I could almost make out some stars even! It was almost like being back home. I am sure we woke up the whole village and I am sure they thought we were some crazy people.

In a drunken stupor, Mouth caught a frog and a crab from the stream, roasted them over the fire, then ate them! GROSS! It wasn’t until the next morning that we discovered the stream was full of garbage! In fact, it wasn’t until the next morning that we discovered exactly where we were. We were in the middle of a village, camped next to a house and some guy’s workshop where he was making bricks, and our tents were pitched in the middle of a farm field and cabbage patch next to the stream where the people dropped their garbage into. The bathroom that Jerry promised was a couple houses down the street in someone’s house.

It is funny because Chinese people have no idea what camping is… anywhere we went people were looking at us like we were nuts. They had never seen a tent before and people crowded around us like animals at the zoo doing flips. For what it was worth, Jerry did a pretty good job planning the trip with whatever idea he had of camping.

Well anyways, that morning, we woke up, packed up camp and headed into town for breakfast at a local Chinese restaurant, then to our mountain destination just twenty or thirty minutes away…