Uncertainty

I recently came across a graph which plotted the emotional rollercoaster that one goes through during big life events such as a new relationship, a new job, or moving across the world to China. In the first couple weeks, one goes through stages of extreme excitement and enthusiasm – everything is fresh and exhilarating. Then the honeymoon phase begins as one adjusts to the interesting new life. Sure, there are bumps in this stage, but not enough to drag down the mood. Then, after about three months, uncertainty sets in. The honeymoon is over and it is no longer a vacation – it is real life. In this stage, one begins to question decisions and everything surrounding the decision, and soon doubt, fear and confusion set in. I am uncertain.

Today, I reached a breaking point. I have been in China for 80 days, and in those 80 days I have seen things that most people can only imagine. I have experienced life in a way that most people will never have the chance and I have been blessed with an incredible group of children to educate. I do not regret my decision to come to China for a second, however, I am beginning to question how far my boundaries, ethics and morals can be stretched before I snap.

Today, I saw a teacher abuse a child. By all standards of American law, this child was abused physically and emotional. You may think I am being dramatic, perhaps I am being overprotective of my children, but what I witnessed today (and most other days) was completely inappropriate. I have written before about the strange things that teachers do to children that I do not necessarily agree with, but they are written off as “cultural difference” such as force feeding the children. I have come to realize there is a very fine line between a cultural difference and just plain wrong. Let me tell you the four events that ruined my day…

Thursdays are my prep day so the Chinese teachers teach nearly the entire day (aside from one lesson). I am in the classroom usually, but preoccupied with work. Event One: First thing in the morning, Ms. Huang was leading morning meeting. Taka began to talk to his neighbor next to him, so she yelled at him and made him stand in a corner facing the wall for the rest of the group time. Following the 30 minute lesson, children go into work time (choice time), but Taka remained in the corner for an additional 15 minutes into work time. Call me crazy, but putting a 4 year old in a corner for 45 minutes is completely inappropriate.

Event Two: During work time, Mary threw a toy that bounced off the white board and accidentally hit Yushi in the head. Although Yushi was not injured, he began to cry. Ms. Qian screamed at Mary (in Chinese) so Mary ran across the room, so Ms. Qian chased her and grabbed her off the ground by one arm and carried her across the classroom, out the door and into the empty dance room down the hall. Mary began to cry and she left her alone in the dance room to come back to the room. Now before Mary had even made it into the dance room, Yushi was already finished crying. Eventually, Ms. Qian went back to get Mary and made her come in and apologize to Yushi.

Event Three: Following lunch, Evan (a kindergartener next door) was having trouble keeping his hands to himself while standing in line. Now the kindergarteners do not nap, but Ms. Yuan told Evan that if “he was going to act like a baby then he was going to take a nap like a baby” and she grabbed his arm to take him to the nap room. Evan dropped to his knees in the hallway and began to cry. Ms. Yuan yelled at him for several seconds, then eventually grabbed him by the arm again and dragged him across the floor and into the nap room. Evan was so hysterical that he couldn’t even breathe.

Event Four – the breaking point: Following nap time, Ms Huang and I were in the nap room walking our children up. Now everyone knows that Mary is not an “after nap” kind of girl. She tends to wake up pretty cranky, but usually she just needs a couple extra minutes to wake up and get her stuff together. I woke her up and got her out of her bed and gave her all of her clothing to change back into, then I left the room to help with another child. Minutes later, I could hear Mary scream/crying down the hallway. When I walked back into the nap room, Ms. Huang was yelling at Mary and forcefully putting her clothes on her while Mary resisted. I know that Mary is a very strong willed child, and like I said, she tends to wake up cranky, but apparently Mary was not getting dressed fast enough for Ms. Huang so she started yelling at her, which only made Mary upset and shut down. Ms. Huang started yelling “I am very angry” and then yelling other things to Mary in Chinese. When I saw Ms. Huang swat and hit Mary, I tried to step in, but she grabbed her off the floor and drug Mary down the hallway to the empty dance room, yet again. I ran after Ms. Huang as she ran down the hall. To be honest, I try not to intervene when other teachers are “disciplining” but I did not trust that she was not going to hurt Mary. She was so angry that she opened the door to the dance room and literally threw Mary. She landed on her back and stopped crying. I completely panicked. I shoved passed Ms. Huang as she was storming away still yelling in Chinese. Fortunately Mary was not hurt. She was more frightened than anything of Ms. Huang.

At that moment as I sat in the empty room with Mary while she cried, I thought to myself I CANNOT DO THIS ANYMORE! This was only one day, but it happens everyday, over and over again. I am not the kind of person that can sit back and watch a child be abused by anyone – a teacher, nonetheless. My values and beliefs have been tested over and again. It has been challenging adjusting to the cultural differences but I consider myself to be respectful and understanding when it comes to the diversity of culture. To be honest, I have no idea what is being said between teachers and students, and I don’t exactly know the expectations of the Chinese families in regards to discipline, but I would bet my life that parents don’t leave their children in our care day after day to be mistreated, physically harmed or emotionally torn apart.

Once the teachers took the rest of the students outside, I took Mary back into the classroom to drink water and calm down. I sat down at my computer and typed an email to Morgan. Currently he is in the US trying to hire teachers for next year, otherwise I would have marched straight to his office. I typed a lot of the same things to him that I wrote in this blog, explaining the whole situation. I ended the email saying;

I enjoy teaching in China and I absolutely love my children and my class, but I can promise that if things do not change drastically, there will be continuous disputes between myself and the Chinese teachers as I protect the integrity of teaching and the wellbeing of my students. I would rather break my contract to teach at a preschool that aligns with my values than to sit by and continue to observe the ludicrous behavior you call teaching.

I read, and reread the email, but I decided to not send it. First and foremost because I wrote it when I was really upset so it is a bit extreme. I was so upset, frustrated and angry that I couldn’t even speak to Ms. Huang because I thought I might scream and throw her across the room. Now that I have calmed down, I realized that I just really need to sit down and speak with Morgan directly about everything. I am an educator and an advocate for the protection of children. When I came out here, I knew it was going to be drastically different, but I promised myself that no matter what, I was going to fight for what I believe in and I refuse to sit by and accept the excuse that it is a “cultural difference.”